Sometimes All He Wants is Yes

I'd prayed about it. It was not something I really desired to do but I felt Him leading me in the direction of the opportunity in front of me. I struggled with the decision but knew it was what He wanted so I said yes. I began to pray about this new responsibility and prepare myself for the changes it would bring into my life. I'd have to travel and do things I really wasn't interested in, but I had peace about it because I knew it was what He had been asking of me. 

The next week I was at a dinner and, unbeknownst to me, the guest speaker got up to introduce the new person in the ministry position I'd just accepted. As Elizabeth was introduced I sat bewildered and a little embarrassed. 

I later shared what happened with my husband who called one of the two people in charge of this position. Frank was beside himself and angry that this had taken place without his knowledge. Frank contacted Melinda (the other person in charge) and she assured him that Elizabeth was indeed given the position. 

Two branches of this ministry team looking in different directions without consulting each other caused a lot of confusion over the next several days. Emails were sent to all involved, apologies were made, conversations held, all the while with me wondering if I'd gotten it wrong. 

I was relieved that I didn't have to take this position and was thrilled that my friend Elizabeth got it, she would be much better at it than I would. She's proven this to be true in the years since. 

I still struggled with the decision since I'd known God had wanted me to say yes, but then I realized that maybe the yes was all He wanted. I think sometimes He just wants to know we are willing to do what He asks, even if it is something we don't want to do. 

By taking this position, Elizabeth has gotten to shine and grow her personality in a way what would have had me shrinking back. By me not having it I've been able to focus on things that have taken more of my time and energy than I'd thought would. 

Through this I've been reminded once again that God will never do anything to hurt or harm us and that His tests cause us to grow. I could have reacted to this in several ways that wouldn't have pleased Him.

Rejection: I could have taken this personally and looked at it as if I'd been rejected. Once I'd done this I would have surely had a list as long as a six-year old's Christmas list, filled with reasons for the rejection which would have only left me in a puddle of self-pity.

Comparison: Elizabeth is younger than I and offers different skills than I do, but different does not mean better. I could have spent hours awake at night going over all of the reasons why she was a better choice than me. This would have ruined our friendship.

Anger: I could easily talk myself into being justified with anger over this situation. I mean, it was unfair. I should not be treated like this. Who did they think they were? I could let it downward spiral until I ruined a friendship with Elizabeth and ruined my reputation with the ministry leaders.

The list goes on. No matter which I'd chose it would never be better than choosing to let it go. By letting it fly away I was able to maintain the friendship with Elizabeth and encourage her to shine in her special way. I maintained my reputation with the ministry leaders, and kept my testimony of what the Lord is doing in and through me in tact.

Through all of this I was reminded that sometimes He just wants our willingness. Sometimes all He wants is yes.

About the Author:

Suzanne Schaffer has been in full-time ministry with her husband Wayne since 1992, pastoring in Pennsylvania and Illinois. She has two grown children and spends most of her days either writing or reading with a cup of tea close by. She enjoys attending auctions and sometimes brings home more stuff than she knows what to do with. She believes life is too short for mediocre food and insists on having good chocolate in the house at all times. You can connect with Suzanne at her blog, www.notenoughchocolate.blogspot.com

Book Excerpt: Simple Things by Suzanne Schaffer

Our own Suzanne Shaffer has a new book out, and we wanted to share an excerpt with you. Simple Things is available from Amazon, and proceeds will be developed to Convoy of Hope. 

Have you ever seen a recap of a Red Carpet event? The fashion experts critique the dresses and outfits of the attendees.

She wore it well.
What was she thinking?

Which designer do you think is more pleased? The one who heard affirming comments about his creation or the one who received less than flattering ones? Just like the designer spent time creating the clothing for these ladies to wear, our Father in heaven created you. He spent time thinking about you. You are the work of His hands.
“So God created mankind in his own image in the image of God He created them; male and female He created them.” Genesis 1:27 (NIV)
When you take time to make something, you take pride in it. When I bake a cake to take to a dinner, I want everyone to know it’s mine. I might handwrite what kind it is and put it next to my cake because I know my penmanship is easily distinguished. I worked hard on that ganache, and I want it to represent me well. In the same way, God wants us to represent Him well. If we wear the label of a Christian, but aren’t any different than the world, doing what they do and acting as they act, then how well are we representing? Don’t put the label on your life if you aren’t willing to live it. The Bible is clear about how we are to deal with people who claim to be Christians but live otherwise. And it’s a little scary.

“But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler. Do not even eat with such people.” 1 Corinthians 5:11 (NIV)
There are too many people claiming to be Christians yet living for themselves. A one-time prayer is not enough. Being a good person is not enough. Live the life worthy of your calling as a Christ-follower.
If we live daily as He wants us to, He will daily guide us, and we will have a clear understanding of what He wants for us. We will know His will. He will lead us in the way He wants us to go. His leading is sometimes as simple as a desire He gives us. Remember when I said I was a teenager when I felt the desire to be a pastor’s wife? God put that desire there as a hint about His plans for my
life. I never thought about being a missionary. I never considered a career in politics. Teaching was the major I chose in college because I had to pick one, but I knew I wasn’t going to teach. The military wasn’t something I was considering even though they tried to lure me with their ASVAB testing. My results said I’d make a good mortician. So not enticing. I don’t even like touching live people, let alone dead ones. Managing a retail store didn’t appeal to me. Being a businesswoman in a big city unnerved me. I did have a strong desire to be a wife and mother. He gently guides us. I love that about Him.
Following this line of thinking is not always easy. If it were, our churches would be full of mature Christians instead of aging people who haven’t grown in decades. The devil will pester you like a sand flea at the beach when you start living this way. You will be ridiculed and heckled for your stand, even at the hand of other believers. I’ve had other ministry wives tell me my desire to live a pure life and be separate from the world is foolishness and isn’t for them. This breaks my heart. God gave so much for us. Can’t we live sacrificially for Him? It’s for our own benefit.
What about you? Are you the Sunday morning Christian who can’t get a handle on the rest of the week? Do you desire to be closer to Him but find the things of the world creeping in? Or are you stuck somewhere altogether different?

Me? A Leader?

I’ve been wrestling with God about being a leader. This has been going on for a few years now. I’ve been in full-time ministry alongside my husband for almost twenty-five years, so one might think I’d be used to being a leader by now. But I’m not a leader by nature. I’d rather be invisible in my world than be noticed, yet the spotlight seems to be attracted to the pastor and his wife.

My problem arises when I look at the people I’m supposed to be leading. People who’ve been in the church longer than I’ve been alive, yet are still feeding on the milk and toddling along with baby steps. I get frustrated with the lack of spiritually mature Christians. I’ve long believed that we who call ourselves Christians are all called to the same standard: Love God. Love people. We should all be doing this—not just those of us in ministry positions. Then God reminded me of the leaders in the Bible, particularly Moses, who led people in circles for decades because they couldn’t get it right. A few laws and they broke them all. They let their wickedness keep them from experiencing the Promised Land.

How many times do we see members of our congregations doing the same? They wander and fall, apologize to God, and then creep back into the same behavior patterns instead of allowing God to change them and move them into the Promised Land He has waiting for them. It saddens me—and honestly can halt me—when I see people unable to move forward because of their own stubborn will.

Moses had some tough words for the people he led in the wilderness for forty years. “I am a hundred and twenty years old today, I can no longer go out and come in…” (Deuteronomy 31:2 NIV)

This man was tired. He had seen it all. He goes on to say in verses 26-27, “Take this Book of the Law, and put it beside the ark of the covenant of the Lord your God, that it may be there as a witness against you; for I know your rebellion and your stiff neck. If today, while and an yet alive with you, you have been rebellious against the Lord, then how much more after my death?”

I feel you, Moses, I really do. We have seen it all.

“For I know that after my death you will become utterly corrupt, and turn aside from the way which I have commanded you. And evil will befall you in the latter days, because you will do evil in the sight of the Lord, to provoke Him to anger through the work of your hands.” Deuteronomy 31:29

Sometimes I feel the same way. I know once we turn our backs the sheep are going to wander all over the field and get in trouble with one another or get injured. Where does our responsibility lie?

A friend recently shared with me her heartache over the lifestyle her adult son is choosing to live. “Where did I go wrong?” she lamented. This son of hers was raised in the church, knows right and wrong, and is choosing to go his own way. I reminded her that his current choice to live apart from the Lord is not a reflection on her. He has made his own decisions just like the people Moses was concerned about. It’s hard to not focus on the things going wrong and the people wandering away when we’re in ministry, but we need to continue to do the work God has called us to do. And that includes being strong leaders.

Being a strong leader to me means that I keep my focus on my own relationship with the Lord. I grow in Him daily and do my best to live for Him. I choose to turn my back on the ways of the world and grow closer to Him. I engage in activities that are honorable and live as if He’s the only one I’m trying to please. Life is hard. It’s harder when we focus on the neediness of those around us. Yes, we as leaders are to help them through their messes, but we need to take care of ourselves first.

Some guidelines we follow in our home:

• Regular scheduled dates. My husband and I cannot lead without keeping our marriage a top priority. We refuse to be a statistic. Marriage takes work and we choose to make it more important than church work. The church will still be there after we’ve gone, it’s important that we still have us. 

• Take time with people who are not associated with our church. We have to. We need the fellowship of people who aren’t going to chatter about what we ordered for dinner or what made us laugh. We need to be able to just be us without being scrutinized. The older I get the more important this has become. 

• Keeping the Lord first in our lives. This should go without saying, but sometimes we get stuck in busyness and find ourselves slipping away from the one who owns our hearts. Lead with simplicity, humility, and by serving. 

• Have close friends you can trust. I don’t have friendships—deep friendships—with women in our church. My closest friends are ones I’ve known for decades. These are the ladies I share my heart with. These are the ones I trust with my deepest thoughts, my pain, and my prayer requests. It’s important to have trusted people in your life, and ones who do not attend your church.

As a still somewhat gun-shy leader, I’m learning the importance of leadership and how to overlook the disappointment that can come from the flock. Keeping my focus on the Lord has made all the difference. Sheep are going to do what they’re going to do. It’s my job to be the example. Whether they follow or not. 

About the Author:

Suzanne Schaffer has been in full-time ministry with her husband Wayne since 1992, pastoring in Pennsylvania and Illinois. She has two grown children and spends most of her days either writing or reading with a cup of tea close by. She enjoys attending auctions and sometimes brings home more stuff than she knows what to do with. She believes life is too short for mediocre food and insists on having good chocolate in the house at all times. You can connect with Suzanne at her blog, www.notenoughchocolate.blogspot.com

Chasing Today

The good old days sometimes become more an obsession than memory. When we find ourselves trying to relive the past instead of embracing the moment we're in, we are limiting what God can do in our lives. When we hear the words, "We've never done it that way before," come from our own mouths we need to step back and look at how the old ways have kept us from moving forward into new territory. This is true in most areas in our lives and especially in the church.

There was a time a child was thrilled to receive a pencil with the words Happy Birthday printed on it during Sunday school. They'd carry it to school with them the next day and everyone would know it was their birthday. They'd use it until it was a nubby lead with not much eraser left. As a child in the 1970's I would have been thrilled with a pencil. But this is not the 1970's anymore and a pencil is not groovy anymore. Neither is that word.

Why is it easier for us to let some things go than others? Slang, for instance. As a teen in the 1980's I was totally into my gnarly big hair. It was like, awesome to the max. Thankfully, my vocabulary matured as I did. If I were to talk like that now I'd get some bizarre reactions. Probably the same type of reaction I'd get if I were to perm, tease, and Aqua Net my hair to the unimaginable heights fashionable thirty years ago. 

We need to learn to keep our yearnings for the past in check. We can learn from the past but need to move forward and take new chances. What worked once may not work now. The new thing we try may not work now, but we can't stay where we are. My husband and I once pastored a church that was on a very busy road. I had the idea to get up early and make coffee to serve to the people driving by. We had cups printed with the church name on them and had signs made. We stood in the parking lot week after week offering free coffee to the passersby. I remember the day we finally had one person stop. We were elated, but after several more weeks of dumping the unused coffee down the drain we decided this plan wasn't working. Does an idea that doesn't work keep us from moving forward and trying new things? It shouldn't. Nor should it push us back into our area of comfort where we keep the same old things going because they always worked before. 

I've giggled a time or two over pictures posted online. Original family photos of children side by side with the re-enacted version twenty or thirty years later. Same people, same type of clothing, same setting, but a completely different picture. We can try to mimic the past but something will always be not quite the way it was. But this is how it is supposed to be. We are supposed to move forward and grow up. Life without change is boring. 

Instead of chasing the past, including its experiences and the way it made us feel, we should be chasing today. Today is what is in our hand, it is all we have. This moment. We can make it something extraordinary or we can let it pass as we wish for the way it once was. Embrace each moment while we have it. Time passes faster with each sunset and soon we too will be a memory. Chase today while you have it.

About the Author:

Suzanne Schaffer has been in full-time ministry with her husband Wayne since 1992, pastoring in Pennsylvania and Illinois. She has two grown children and spends most of her days either writing or reading with a cup of tea close by. She enjoys attending auctions and sometimes brings home more stuff than she knows what to do with. She believes life is too short for mediocre food and insists on having good chocolate in the house at all times. You can connect with Suzanne at her blog, www.notenoughchocolate.blogspot.com

Embracing the Gift of PW Friendships

“My best friend is a pastor’s wife so I know exactly how you feel,” Gina said to me one Sunday morning before church. She continued on in conversation about what her friend had shared with her but my mind stayed locked on her first sentence, and while I smiled and nodded anger was growing inside me. I spent the rest of the service distracted by her words.

When I shared our interaction with my husband, he assured me she was only trying to find common ground on which to converse. I’ve replayed the moment in my mind and still feel the same as I did then.

To say she knows what it’s like to be a PW because her BFF is one is like saying I know what the ocean is like because I’ve seen it on TV. But until I smell the sea air, taste the saltwater on my lips, feel the way the sand changes as I step from hot and dry to wet and sloppy, step on a crab or another unseen creature beneath the surface, get knocked over by a wave I’d under estimated, experience the tide rushing in and out, or feel the breeze through my hair there is no way for me to know what it’s like. Not. At. All.

No matter how many times Gina’s friend has shared with her what it’s like to be married to a pastor, Gina will never know the reality of it because she hasn’t experienced it herself. Only another PW knows how it really is. That's why it’s important to find friendship in like-minded women. We need each other. We struggle with things that few others do. We can laugh about things that many people in our churches wouldn’t understand. We can shoulder one another when things get ugly.

In this season of thankfulness and gift-giving let’s remember to be thankful for the gift we have of each other. Some of my closest friends are PWs, many of whom I’ve not met face to face. Online communities can be safe havens for us, such as the message boards at PastorsWives.com In the fishbowl we find acceptance without pressure, love without judgment, and fellowship without fellows. What we go through on a weekly basis can be shared with women who have experienced the same thing. And that is the greatest gift of all.

If you are a pastor’s wife I encourage you to find friendship in another pastor’s wife. Whether in your community or out, in your denomination or across line, we need the support we can get from each other. I can (and do) share things with my closest friends and they offer the words I want to hear, but when I share with another PW words aren’t needed. A hand on my shoulder or a hug can give more encouragement than words because it means she’s been there. If you prefer to share in a more intimate setting then I encourage you to find an online group you can participate in. There are many, from Facebook groups to message boards. I was an active member of such a group for over a decade until social media changed the way we shared with one another. Over the years I’ve been blessed to be able to meet some of these ladies as I’ve traveled the country. Their hugs have been some of the sweetest I’ve known, alongside the ones I receive from the ladies in my denomination during our yearly retreats and other ministry meetings.

Do not take these friendships for granted.

For me, they are one of life’s greatest gifts.

Merry Christmas my sweet sisters. 

About the Author:

Suzanne Schaffer has been in full-time ministry with her husband Wayne since 1992, pastoring in Pennsylvania and Illinois. She has two grown children and spends most of her days either writing or reading with a cup of tea close by. She enjoys attending auctions and sometimes brings home more stuff than she knows what to do with. She believes life is too short for mediocre food and insists on having good chocolate in the house at all times. You can connect with Suzanne at her blog, www.notenoughchocolate.blogspot.com

There's Always Something to be Thankful For

November is typically the time of year when my Facebook newsfeed fills up with, "Today I'm thankful for..." every day of the month, yet those same people quickly lose their spirit of thankfulness as soon as the month is over. 

Most lose it the day after Thanksgiving when they hit the Black Friday sales.

I've had times when my heart has been more thankful than others, but even in the rotten periods I've learned there is always something to be thankful for.

We had several years of trying times in ministry at several separate churches. Some were so bad we would ask each other from time to time if we were the problem because the opposition was so great. We worked for several churches I wouldn't invite people to. I had people ask me where I went to church, and I'd tell them and then tell them where they could find a good church. There were times when I'd make the five mile drive to church, stop halfway and return home, call him and say, "I just can't do it today."

But there was always something to be thankful for.

The view of the river from my back porch became a sanctuary during those years. Holding my children close was like air in my lungs. My job that took me out of town a few evenings a week gave me confidence when speaking in front of groups and provided a boost to my self-esteem when I felt beaten down by people at church. I was even thankful for the rumors spread about me because I knew they weren't true. (I'm still married, unlike the rumors said, and still alive and in good health, unlike other rumors).

Sometimes the thankfulness was simply being glad that I wasn't as miserable as the person complaining to me or gossiping about me. 

Through the years I've strived to keep our home a peaceful place so even when church isn't the peaceful environment, my family knew home was a haven. Home was a place where we didn't talk about one another, where we could find quiet if we needed it, where we were free to laugh and be ourselves, and where we lived life, making sure we were the same people in front of each other as we were anywhere else we went.

Today I'm thankful that we raised children who love the Lord, despite witnessing how cruel His children could be. I'm thankful that we went through the tough times we did because it made us stronger leaders. I'm thankful for all of the seasons because God has always shown His faithfulness.

About the Author:

Suzanne Schaffer has been in full-time ministry with her husband Wayne since 1992, pastoring in Pennsylvania and Illinois. She has two grown children and spends most of her days either writing or reading with a cup of tea close by. She enjoys attending auctions and sometimes brings home more stuff than she knows what to do with. She believes life is too short for mediocre food and insists on having good chocolate in the house at all times. You can connect with Suzanne at her blog, www.notenoughchocolate.blogspot.com

  

Recurring Dreams

My daughter and I were recently discussing recurring dreams that mess with our sleep. She’s had a dream three times and is relieved to wake up and realize it isn’t true.  As we talked about them I understood the three dreams I live while asleep reveal something deeper than I imagined.

The first dream involves driving in reverse. I hate reverse. My husband likes to back up across the church parking lot just to play, but it feels like I’m on a roller coaster. I tend to avoid anything that moves without my controlling it, so driving backwards is not my idea of a fun time. In my dream I’m driving in reverse and the car is out of control, spinning all over the place. No matter what I do I can’t fix it. I haven’t had this dream in a few years, and looking back I can see that parts of my life were out of my control. Things have since fallen into place and my dreams no longer involve reverse.

The second dream is one I haven’t had in almost a decade. In this dream I’ve got something in my mouth and can’t get it out. It’s the texture of the wax lips I used to chew on as a child, and it’s in big lumps and tiny slivers. No matter how much I try to empty my mouth of it, there is still more. This dream is an easy one to unwrap. It means I have something to say and can’t get the words out. I know the reason I don’t have this one anymore is because I’ve found my voice and the confidence to say what needs to be spoken. Fear of being ridiculed has vanished each time I speak where I would have once cowered.

The final dream is one I still have on occasion. I arrive at church to a full parking lot and have to park on the grass or the street. Once inside I find there is nowhere for me to sit. Every seat is full. As the pastor’s wife I have given myself an unassigned assigned seat: the first row second seat in from the left. It’s my spot. In my dream I’ve had to stand in the back or sit on stage with the choir (Choir? We don’t have a choir!) The more I thought about this dream, I realized it’s about my insecurity of not knowing my place or not knowing where I fit in as the pastor’s wife. Am I just another member of the congregation or am I a leader?

How many of us have felt this way? I am not someone who likes to be fussed over or have all eyes on me. Early in our adult ministry I entered church one morning with a new haircut. There was a collective gasp from the congregation and whispers of, “Suzanne got her hair cut.” It was enough to make me want to turn around and go home. I’ve faked my way through many a Sunday morning. But God has bigger plans and ideas, and sometimes they involve being uncomfortable. I’ve learned He is trustworthy and faithful. Even when I am apprehensive He will take care of me.

We can always trust Him with every part of our lives. Even when all eyes are on us.

About the Author:

Suzanne Schaffer has been in full-time ministry with her husband Wayne since 1992, pastoring in Pennsylvania and Illinois. She has two grown children and spends most of her days either writing or reading with a cup of tea close by. She enjoys attending auctions and sometimes brings home more stuff than she knows what to do with. She believes life is too short for mediocre food and insists on having good chocolate in the house at all times. You can connect with Suzanne at her blog, www.notenoughchocolate.blogspot.com